*****, Didn’t I Say Not to Look Back?

Posted: August 5, 2011 in Classical
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Yahweh, the God of the Torrah was really something else. Out of all the gods that ever existed, I think I he loved punking humans the most. He almost seemed addicted to it. One of my favorite examples from his many pranks came in the form of Sodom and Gomorrah.

We all know the story Sodom and Gomorrah were the Vegas and Amsterdam of their time. Yahweh accepted all their shit but when homosexuality and sodomy became legalized, he said “you mutha fuckas are crazy” and torched the place.

Yahweh didn’t kill everyone however. As any good gangsta knows, in order to increase your hood status you have to leave at least one survivor. Someone to live on and pass the message, “don’t fuck with this guy. Mofo bombed an entire city.” So Yahweh choose Abraham to be his message boy.

Yahweh tells good ol Abe that the shit is goin down but he and his

Abraham’s only mistake. Not keeping his ho in line.

family will be spared because their not fucking animals like the rest of their crazy friends. It’s go tiem now and Abe and his fam have all their stuff packed and ready to go. Yahweh tells Abe to start running but what ever you do “DON’T LOOK BACK.”

Now this shit is hilarious to me because when you tell someone “not” to do something, what’s the first hing they’re gonna do? Exactly. it’s even funnier when you remember the fact that Yahweh sees the past, present, and future at the same time so he knows what’s going to happen before it happens while it’s happening. Yahweh knew Sarah was going to turn back.   So the question is, if he knew Sarah was going to turn back and look, why did he bother telling her?

Simple, I think Yahweh purposely told Sarah not to look back so that she WOULD look back thus turning her to ash. Why would Yahweh do that you ask? Cause he’s a dick and that’s what dicks do. As a dick for 20 years I can recognize a dick move when I see one and trust me bro, that was a masterly executed cosmic dick move.

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